Sexless Marriages exist and a surprising number of couples stay in these marriages.
These men shared their own stories. They all have different reasons, different points of view and different situations.
Read about their stories below.
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1. My Wife Said to “Stop Harassing Her”
“My wife of 4 years has essentially stopped having sex with me. Maybe 1-2 times per year when the stars align and the circumstances are exactly perfect in her mind.
I get the usual excuses: tired, headache, bloated, period, “tomorrow, I promise”, all of that. A few months ago she said it stresses her out when I ask her for sex. Also that she doesn’t like when I try to touch her ass or leg or anything because she said the expectation of sex is too much. So I stopped doing that. For a couple of months solid, I just bit my tongue and beat off a lot.
So the other night after the kids when to sleep, it was still kind of early, all the chores and crap were done, it was just a nice calm evening. I sat on the couch to watch a movie and when she came into the room I said to her “hey, come sit with me for a little bit”. Truly no ulterior motive.
But wanted to get and give a little affection which is mostly non-existent most days. Her response was “no, I’m good”. And not like she was off to do anything else. Just sat on the other couch looking at that stupid fucking cell phone.
Then just this afternoon, the youngest was taking a nap and my oldest was at her parent’s house for the day. A rare kid-free moment in the daytime and I suggested maybe we could fool around and she said “stop harassing me”. That’s a quote. And it really hurt. I literally hadn’t suggested or asked for anything in like 2 months because she said to. But asking to cuddle up on the couch and then a suggestion of sex equals harassment.
After those last two encounters, I think I’ll go ahead and declare this bedroom dead now.”
Via Reddit Talking About Sexless Marriages
2. She is Disgusted By Her Own Body
“Been with my wife 14 years and married 9 one 4 1/2 year old. She never wants sex, doesn’t like me touching her, goes to bed early so she’s not awake when I do.
She says it’s because she’s disgusted by her own body even though she’s not fat. I kept telling her how much I fancied her etc but it was never enough.
I’m currently sleeping in the spare room and looking to move out before Xmas.
It doesn’t matter what they tell you, you’re going to feel like it’s an issue with you. We had chats about it but I never wanted sex to be a chore, it should be love and passion. Something that’s not in our marriage.
Making the leap was the hardest thing but I know long term we will both be happier.
What you do is your business but can you see yourself doing this for the next how ever many years?”
Via Reddit Talking About Sexless Marriages
3. No Definitive Reason – Just Rejection
“I know being in a sexless marriage means different things to different people. For me it means that I’ve spent 23 years in a marriage where we have sex 8-10 times a year. She never initiates, and when I do, half the time she gives me an excuse and the other half the time she says she tired and tries to talk me out of it. I know other people here have gone years without sex.
I’ve gone through 1.5 year dry spell, 6 month try spell and am currently in a 4 month one because I just refuse to beg anymore. For those of you in your 20’s and early 30’s, get out. I don’t care how much you thing you love them, or how much you think they love you. Get out. They wouldn’t treat you like that if they truly loved you.
If you don’t get out, Here’s what you have to look forward to:
In the beginning you fool yourself into thinking it’s you. You failed somehow in making your partner happy. You try harder. Do more work around the house. Maybe you do the cooking, house cleaning or laundry or all of the above. You bring home unexpected gifts like flowers periodically.
You take your spouse to shows and on dinner dates. You read books like The 5 Love Languages and No More Mr Nice Guy but they don’t help. You have The Talk periodically when you get to the point where you just can’t take it anymore. All of your trying gets you nowhere because it’s one partner trying when it really needs both. All you hear is NO.
The constant rejection hurts. It comes from the person who is supposed to love you unconditionally, the person who should do anything for you. Over the years, the rejection not only hurts you emotionally, but it erodes your confidence. You no longer feel like you can achieve your dreams. It hurts your work and damages your chances for promotion.
At first, the years of rejection begin to make you lose respect for yourself. Eventually, you lose respect for your partner. All of their little quirks begin to gnaw at you. You harbour resentment for them.
You stayed through the pain so your children could have a better life than you. You are cordial around your spouse so that the kids don’t catch on. Secretly knowing that they probably know your marriage isn’t normal. After all, mom and dad kiss and hug on the shows they watch.. so they know.
It has wrecked you. Underneath, you hurt. The emotional toll of not being shown any physical love has made you a different person.
You turn inward. Your only relief is your dreams. You’ve long ago given up dreaming that your spouse will figure things out or there’s a magic pill that will make them better. You dream about a new life with someone who shows their love as much as you show yours.”
Via Reddit Talking About Sexless Marriages
4. She Gained a Lot of Weight
“My wife gained about 25% of her body weight and completely lost interest in sex. And I lost interest in having sex with her. Everything else about the relationship is great, however. We have no plans to split up. And she has no plans to lose weight, and I have no plans to find obesity attractive, so here we are.
Fortunately, she lets me have sex with other women. Even encourages it. (Note: The whole concept of swinging, polyamory, sounds so foreign to most people that they assume such an arrangement couldn’t possibly exist. But it does.)
I’d love to have sex with her; I’d love her to want to. But she doesn’t, and thank God I have another outlet or I’d go nuts.“
Via Reddit Talking About Sexless Marriages
5. We Have No Intimacy
“My (33M) wife (36F) wife and I barely have any intimacy. I used to initiate often but I’ve been shut down so often, I barely try anymore. She doesn’t seem to mind as she just wants non-sexual intimacy.
I think about sex all the time. It’s constantly on my mind. All-day I dream about the sexual acts I want to do with my wife. All the daydreaming has actually made me want to explore different aspects of sexuality that I’ve never considered before. I’m excited about this part of me. I’m not the type that needs multiple partners to feel satisfied. I just want my wife’s affections. BUT…..
Then I come home from work and the minute I actually see her, it all turns to disappointment and anger. I know that my sexual satisfaction isn’t important to her. I know that I don’t turn her on anymore. And I know that we will not actually be having sex that evening. I’m not even sure she really enjoys my company all that much anymore, or at least that’s what it feels like.
Just needed to vent a bit. Feeling blue.”
Via Reddit Talking About...