Key takeaways for caregivers
- There are many types of adoption: domestic, international, open, closed, kinship, transracial, infant placement, late-placed. And there is tremendous range in the circumstances that precede and follow each adoption. Generalizing about adoption as a singular life experience that results in a generic outcome is inaccurate and oversimplified.
- The general perception of adoption overestimates deficits and pathology, while underestimating resilience.
- Children build resilience through relationships with supportive caregivers dedicated to their well-being.
- A strengths-based focus on adoption acknowledges humans’ capacity for adaptation after disruption, adversity, and loss.
At 23, Jordan Fisher decided he was ready to tell his adoption story on a big stage. Fisher was used to large stages: He had steadily built his career in musical theater with a recent Broadway debut in the hit, Hamilton. Now he was competing on Dancing with the Stars and he announced that his performance was inspired by the meaning of his adoption.
Fisher said this in an interview with People magazine at the time: “I’ve never had anything to hide or felt ashamed about my adoption. After almost 14 years in the industry … it just feels like the right time to share my story. My life could have been very different. It’s because of unrelenting, unconditional support and love I’m able to have the life that I have now and do everything I love to do.”
One family’s story highlights variability in adoption stories across families
Before exploring Fisher’s story, providing an accurate frame for its relevance is important. Adoption outcomes are individual, dynamic, and complex. Too often they are presented as oversimplified stories told about an adopted person rather than by an adopted person.
There is no typical adoption story. Some highlight gains, strengths, and satisfaction. Some feature more challenge, isolation, and pain. Most are kaleidoscopic, made up of some or all of these elements, and shifting in pattern and intensity over time.
Fisher’s reflections, as he chose to present them publicly, represent a strengths-based focus. Versions like this are underrepresented in research and in most popular portrayals of adoption — but they are more common than generally recognized.
This article is the first in a two-part series that uses Fisher’s comments about his adoption and what he learned growing up in his family to discuss how most adoptive families address the inherent complexity of adoption and thrive.
In Part 1, I tell Fisher’s story and explain the concept of resilience. In Part 2, I will focus on one idea Fisher highlighted – open communication – which research also identifies as an important factor in adopted children’s lives.
Photo by Pavel Danilyuk on Pexels
Jordan Fisher’s adoption story
Fisher was raised from birth by his maternal grandparents (whom he calls Mom and Dad) because, as he explained, his 16-year-old birth mother was in no position to be a parent when she gave birth to him.
Later, when his birth mother’s substance abuse interfered with her ability to care for his younger biological siblings, Jordan’s mother and father adopted their two younger grandchildren, too. At that point, Jordan went from being an “only” child in some ways to becoming a big brother.
This description of the members of the Fisher family can be confusing. Most adoptive families are more complex than most biologically related families. Figuring out who is related to whom and how can take some effort.
Grandparents can be mother and father, and a grandchild can also be a son. A birth mother might be part of the extended family but not considered Mom. Siblings may be related to one another through biology, adoption, or both. They also might not regard themselves as siblings if the families in which they live are estranged.
In the case of kinship adoption, all this can happen years before the adoption is legally formalized. Jordan’s adoption was finalized when he was 11. As he put it, “I think there’s something to be said about a document legally proving something you know to be fact already.”
What can be learned from the Fisher family’s experience?
The way Fisher told his adoption story and his reflections on how those experiences shaped him shed light on the realities and challenges of adoption. Adoption extends the concept of family beyond traditional biological connections.
Understanding how a family comes together, how family members are interconnected, how people make it work, and how they define themselves as family requires being able to ask questions. The complexity underlying adoption offers opportunities to build resilience when family members take time to talk through the many aspects involved.
Fisher’s family and their belief in communication provided a healthy foundation
Several years after the People article appeared, Fisher was a guest on Drew Barrymore’s talk show. After an open and lively conversation about his current life she asked him, “How do you think you became you?”
“My parents. I’m adopted,” Fisher replied. “My parents are incredible. They have had things happen to them that they have had to navigate that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, yet have shown me nothing but patience, kindness, and love.” Fisher acknowledged that his mother and father had faced challenges in building their family.
He then described what he learned from them about communicating, telling Barrymore: it “gave me the opportunity to grow up, as a kid, with a voice. And debate when I felt that was something I needed to do. If I had a point that I wanted to make, I was never silenced. I was just taught to respectfully allow my voice to be heard.”
With self-assurance and candor, Fisher presented a multifaceted account of family and adoption over time that acknowledged both ups and downs and put communication and self-expression at the center. Among his observations:
- It was hard work at times for his parents.
- Despite this, they provided a secure, loving, and nurturing home.
- He was encouraged to express his opinions and listen to those of others.
- The stability in his life allowed him to thrive.
The contrast to public attitudes
Fisher’s experience differs in a key way from the way adopted individuals are usually viewed. A long-running survey of public attitudes about adoption by the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption has consistently shown that adoptees are primarily perceived as having problems with “trust and bonding” and “behavior and self-control.”
Fisher’s autobiographical account challenges that heavily deficit-based characterization and his experience is more typical of adoption outcomes than many people realize. His comments suggest that a focus on resilience, strength, and what nurtures them will provide a more accurate picture of adoptees and adoptive families.
How risk and resilience are related in adopted children
Resilience science is a field of study that has grown more sophisticated over the last 60 years in understanding how some people at high risk due to adversity, trauma, and loss end up thriving. As a group, adopted children are at greater risk for a variety of adjustment difficulties and learning challenges than are their non-adopted peers, yet many of them do not develop the significant and lasting problems their adoption-related life circumstances would predict. The plasticity of childhood, combined with the intervention of adoption, which usually stabilizes a child’s life, often leads to impressive catch-up and recovery.
Photo from iStock
Systematic reviews of studies on adoptees have confirmed that while difficulties and differences in mental health and adjustment do exist when adopted children are compared to their non-adopted peers, those...