For many of us on a healing journey or a spiritual path, the pursuit of peace, love, and transcendence has been both a refuge and a compass. Practices like meditation, prayer, yoga, reading spiritual books, going to spiritual retreats, or chanting mantras or positive affirmations have helped us access serenity, connection, and meaning. But if we’re honest, sometimes those very practices become ways we bypass the deeper work of healing trauma, facing painful emotions, and holding ourselves accountable in relationships.
This is what psychologists call “spiritual bypassing”—using spirituality as a shield to avoid the vulnerability of emotional pain, grief, anger, terror, or shame. Bypassing can keep us afloat for a while, but over time, our unhealed wounds begin to resurface in subtle (or not-so-subtle) ways—reactivity in relationships, unexplained anxiety, physical symptoms, addictions, or other cycles of self-sabotage.
If you’ve been sensing that your spiritual path is calling you to go deeper—not away from your pain, but into it with compassion for the traumas and wounds you’ve experienced—Internal Family Systems (IFS) offers a profoundly healing next step, an off ramp from spiritual bypassing that can be safe, gentle, and non-bypassing.
This past weekend, I taught IFS For Self-Healing, the basics of IFS. And now, the first weekend of November, I’m hosting a weekend workshop on Zoom with my daily parts processing partner Emma Harper, so we can train you all how to do peer to peer IFS parts processing with other students or with someone you’ve already chosen as your parts processing partner.
Learn more & register for IFS For Self-Healing: Peer To Peer Parts Processing Training here.
Doing your parts work, both alone and with a peer who is also doing their parts work, is designed as a transitional practice for those who are ready to move from spiritual bypassing into true spiritual embodiment. It’s also a way to move from codependency and unhealthy one up/ one down power dynamics in relationships to more equal, shared power relational dynamics- with your parts processing partner first, and then, as you feel more stable and empowered to do so, with others in your life. It’s also an evidence based trauma healing model that can be profoundly impactful to work with in therapy.
Whether you’re brand new to IFS or curious about how to integrate it into your daily practice, the Peer To Peer Parts Processing training will teach you how to work with another IFS peer, to help you shift from bypassing pain to befriending it, transforming your relationship with yourself and, by extension, with everyone around you, and no longer throwing your parts under the bus to please other people or look or act “spiritual” or “good.”
You’ll gain the benefit of the other side of the paradox: You can heal yourself; AND you can’t do it alone. Having a parts processing partner gives you the important facet of healing that requires being witnessed, being adequately understood, having what Julia Cameron calls a “believing mirror,” someone who believes you, validates you, and says “That makes sense that you feel that way.”
Peer to peer parts processing is also a wonderful way to learn empathy for those who struggle to either give it or allow it to sink in. For those who have an IFS therapist, you’re already getting this beautiful gift. But for the millions of people who are trying to practice IFS on your own- because you can’t afford or access an IFS therapist, or because you need more support between therapy sessions, peer to peer parts processing, when done right, can help you heal relational trauma- and it doesn’t cost anything once you learn how.
You’ll have the chance to “speed date” parts processing partners to see if you can find a good fit within the class. And if you can’t, we’ve opened up a private Facebook page where you can post an “ad” describing yourself and your needs, so you can try to find the right parts processing partner that way.
What Is Internal Family Systems (IFS)?
At its core, IFS is a model of the psyche based on one radical yet simple truth: there are no bad parts of you. Some of your parts might act out and do bad things. But at their essence, they have good intentions for you, mostly that they want to help protect you from feeling pain.
According to IFS founder Dick Schwartz, our inner world is made up of “parts”—the different voices, feelings, and sub-personalities within us. Some parts are young and vulnerable, holding the burdens of trauma or unmet needs. Others are protectors—managers and firefighters—that step in to keep us safe, sometimes in ways that cause new problems. Beneath, or maybe as the umbrella over all of these parts- is the wise, mature, divine loving Self—our innately soulful, compassionate, curious, and calm core.
When we learn to connect with our parts from Self, healing happens organically. Exiled parts unburden, protectors relax, and we begin to experience more wholeness, clarity, and freedom.
IFS isn’t about fixing or fighting against yourself. It’s about listening, befriending, and holding all of who you are in love. When we do this with a parts processing partner, it can be extremely beautiful, intimate, tender, and precious.
If this sounds like something you want to try, you’re invited to join us for Peer To Peer Parts Processing training on November 1-2.
Save $100 if you register now for IFS For Self-Healing: Peer To Peer Parts Processing Training.
Is Peer To Peer Parts Processing Safe?
Well, like any peer support process, it depends on who you wind up with. Some 12 step sponsors are game changing lifesavers for the addicts they support. Others, not so much. This is why you get to learn discernment. You get to try out a few parts processing partners to see if they are capable of holding a safe enough, brave enough container for your parts. If they can’t, you can find someone new, just like you can date one person online and then pass on a second date. This might sound scary- to put yourself out there for something so vulnerable without a guarantee that it’s going to go well.
Yes, that’s the risk. That’s why paying a therapist is always safer, because any good therapist should be able to keep you and your parts safe enough- and if they can’t, you can always report them to the licensing board. But not everyone gets that luxury. Enter peer to peer parts processing as a potential alternative.
The good news is that YOU get to be in charge of speaking up for what you need, speaking up if someone isn’t abiding by the guidelines we’ll be teaching you in the training, and learning to be assertive when you need to be so you can either do rupture and repair well- or find another partner to practice with. If that sounds scary…well, then maybe you’ve bumped up against a growth edge that will be good for you to practice stretching. Or maybe it’s not the right way to practice IFS for you. (It won’t be the right fit for everyone.)
But in case you want to try it out before committing to a parts processing partner, you’re welcome to come join us.
Learn more here.
The post What If You Want To Practice IFS But You Can’t Afford Or Access A Therapist? first appeared on Lissa Rankin.